One of my should-do-but-might-not-do goals this coming year is to interact more on my social media accounts. When I started my branding (loathsome word) project last summer, I cleared much of the detritus from my various public accounts and limited myself to following or friending folks actively engaged in their creative work. I deleted all my pop culture and political pages on Facebook and added a few writing groups that seemed both active and useful. When I log in, I want to see people doing. I want to be inspired, not mollified or enraged. This felt good for about five minutes, and then I went back to not caring too much about social media.
At its best, social media is a pathway to learning new information, discovering new hobbies or things to love, making friends, and doing whatever we call the relationship between followers and the followed. At worst, it’s a demoralizing horror show. Whether the account belongs to a friend or a social media presence, we may find ourselves scrolling through someone else’s life and comparing it to whatever drab nonsense we had to tolerate lately. Because humans tend to reveal only their best views, we are tricked into believing that everyone else is living a life of ease and fulfillment, while we are working ten hours a day, skipping the gym, watching movies alone, picking up dog poop, and planning our next staycation. Even the realization that most people are faking it helps only a little.
With this in mind, I was reminded of a blog post I shared a couple of years ago, from Tiffany Yates Martin: Measure Your Success by What You’re Doing, Not What You Want to Do. In the post, Martin touches on the above. “Realize that you’re only seeing the highlights, and as impressive as your life looks on your social media feeds, you know the interstices: the mundane, dull, difficult,” she writes. “Remind yourself that’s what other people’s posts—and lives—are too.”
Funnily enough, that is one reason why I share the occasional struggle. I’m excited to share news about my networking group or the invitation to speak at a writers’ workshop. But I also don’t mind confessing that I didn’t finish my novel this year because the middle sucked and I didn’t post for a couple of weeks because my car got totaled and I was stressed out about it. There’s a man behind the curtain and let me tell you – it’s a mess back here. There’s a reason I’ve hung curtains.
There is a converse side to social media. In her post, Martin writes about scrolling through her own social account and being pleasantly surprised by how much she’d accomplished over the past year. Rather than focusing on what she’d missed out on, she experienced a moment of anti-FOMO.
Isn’t that a great idea? Looking back at your accomplishments is much healthier than doomscrolling someone else’s life and wishing you could have a bite of what’s on their plate. It’s certainly better than beating yourself up over what you didn’t do.
Even before social media, before we had a name for Fear of Missing Out, I experienced the self-shaming that comes from watching other people engage in cool activities, reach life milestones, and celebrate accomplishments. I don’t do that anymore. Partly because I’m older and wiser. Very few people live a life untroubled by drama and disappointment. But also, I’m doing my thing. I’m happy.
My 2025 turned out great. It wasn’t perfect and it didn’t go remotely as I planned, but when will it ever? I missed some blog deadlines, but I have more readers than I did last January, and when I scroll back through the year of posts, there are a number that I’m pretty proud of. My writing meetups didn’t quite take off the way I hoped, but I found my wonderful networking group. I didn’t finish my novel, but the partial novel I have is better than the novel I would have had if I’d forced myself to keep writing based on the weak outline.
I don’t have FOMO because I don’t feel like I missed out on anything.
Celebrate what you have. Look back on what you accomplished, without counting up what you didn’t. And don’t wait until next year to reflect on what you’re achieving today. Be proud of yourself now. Enjoy the moment and live in the memories you’re making.