Whatever type of fiction you write, you’re likely to depict your protagonist in at least one relationship, perhaps more. Relationship usually but doesn’t have to mean romantic. We also have platonic and familial relationships, or co-workers or pets. Unless you’ve made the creative choice to write about a single isolated human, your hero will have some sort of connections. Even in an extreme circumstance, however, it’s human nature to seek out connection. Even Tom Hanks had Wilson the volleyball on his deserted island.
As with all things, humans have different approaches to connection. Some of us focus on merging two lives into a cohesive unit, not in an unhealthy way, but to create a supportive family relationship. However, some of us prefer to maintain our autonomy. A person may not mind sharing, but they maintain their self-image as a singular human. While some people might find this standoffish or less than romantic, it’s a natural and valid inclination.
How does your protagonist approach relationships? Does he focus on merging or individuation? Does she see herself as a solitary unit that interacts with others or as one part of a cohesive whole?
What conflicts arise if someone in their intimate circle has the opposite yearning? What does this dance look like and can either of them make allowances for the needs of the other? How does this relationship change over time or with a character’s moods?
In the early days of a relationship, one character may desire merger, while the other insists on taking it slow and maintaining their autonomy. In time, that dynamic can change, as the first character may struggle to assert their independence while the other, who initially wanted distance, slowly narrows their intimate circle and starts to nest.
What happens when two characters begin a relationship with the intent to merge, but one begins to develop a need for autonomy later?
Using these two valid yet contrasting human drivers – the need to maintain our individuality and our yearning to share ourselves with another – can help you create characters that seem more true to life, add depth to their emotional makeup, and stir friction and conflict that feels natural.