The old saw about crisis and opportunity had a special real-life application for me this year. It’s one thing to accept a moral as truth. It’s quite another to have to put it into practice.
In this week’s forecast for Aquarians, blog favorite Rob Brezsny says this is a good time for Aquarians to look for gifts we don’t want, so I guess I’m ahead of the astrological game for a change…
Normal people would rather avoid crises. Even when we are forced to navigate one, we will rarely, in retrospect, refer to the experience as a gift. When we can, we reject the opportunity, preferring to remain safe on shore when the water gets choppy.
But gifts come in strange forms. I would not have chosen to have the experience of my boss wiping his ass with our 8-year business relationship, but it chose me and I took the opportunity. What a ride! As a rule, I’m risk-averse. I like routine. I like when elements of my life vary little from day to day. I’m a planner. I’m a habit-former (for good and ill…)
But the change in jobs has been worth more to me than a better work environment. After a few weeks acclimating to my new gig and a few more decompressing from the upheaval, I’m starting to get my groove back.
I haven’t worked an evening or weekend in 3 months. I have yet to feel anxious at the end of the work day about some project or other I hadn’t quite finished. I realized a few days ago that I’ve stopped having 3:00 a.m. anxiety wake-up calls. I don’t miss those. I caught myself dreading the fall and then realized I don’t have to, because I won’t spend November through January and possibly February working 60 hours a week prepping for a multi-day conference. I might actually try to do National Novel Writing Month again this year (Two time winner!)
Best of all, I’m back to writing every day, and am about 2/3 of the way through a new novella. I’ve been reading more craft books and articles and have some insights into the novel-in-progress. I’m trying really hard not to start 8 new projects at once, but it’s hard when I’m feeling jazzed. The more I write, the better I write, the faster it comes, and the more I want to.
This is not the summer I expected to have, but it is definitely the season I needed. I didn’t even know I needed it. I actually liked my old job. The work was awesome, if the environment wasn’t always. But being free of it has freed up so much of myself that had been clogged and back-burnered for a long time.
Not the story I expected to be living this year and if I’d been given a heads-up about the inciting incident, I would have done anything to avoid it. But I’m so grateful it happened and happy where I am now.
So, like Rob Brezsny advises: Find the light in the shadow. Look for the gift in the horse’s mouth and in the horseshit. Lean into your next plot twist and ask yourself if it’s taking you where you’re supposed to go.