Writing is an act of intimacy.
Intimacy with our characters, for we live in their heads and come to feel deep affection for them, even the ones that don’t deserve it. Intimacy with our readers, for we want to be inside their heads too, to communicate, entertain, or move them, or ask them to think.
To write with authenticity, we also need to accept internal intimacy, digging deep for our truest emotions and experiences. At our most successful, we open ourselves to our readers, sharing our thoughts on the way life is.
As with romantic intimacy, creative intimacy can be intimidating. It may feel safer to write only on the surface, to withhold secrets and trauma and what we believe about our lived experiences.
That path is safer and can be entertaining, but have you made this choice consciously? Have you made the active choice of what and how much to reveal, or are you listening to that inner voice that tells you to hold back?
Don’t share that unpopular opinion.
Don’t explore that idea.
Don’t talk about trauma.
Don’t write anything that would embarrass your parents.
Don’t get too crazy!
That is the voice of the self-censor.
If your parents thought certain subjects were shameful, you might avoid them. If friends or spouses appreciated your creative work only when it had financial value, you might shy away from starting a project that might not pay commercial dividends. If someone criticized your skills, genre, or ideas, you might unconsciously choose projects that help you avoid similar criticisms.
Don’t. Don’t. Don’t.
That voice isn’t a villain. It has a role in your life. That voice is trying to keep you safe on the shore, but sometimes, safety isn’t what we want or need. We long to be out on the water. If you listen to that voice too often or for too long, it will lead you inland and you’ll never reach the sea.
Writing safe might earn you positive comments and prevent you from being criticized for being controversial or confrontational. But on the other hand, you withhold from your readers some of the best parts of yourself – your intimate observations, experiences, insights, beliefs, and philosophies. My belief is that when you write from your truest self – even if you decide to hold back a little bit for privacy’s sake – you learn more about yourself and other people, and begin to grow into the best possible writer you can be.
Here are some questions to ponder:
Are there any aspects of writing or creativity that feel too bold for you?
Have you ever dropped a story idea because someone said you shouldn’t pursue it or because it involved a family secret?
Do all your stories have happy endings?
Do you write in only one genre?
Do you avoid having inserting your personal opinions and beliefs, or showing too much of yourself?
Do you avoid ideas because you’re afraid your friends will think you’re mean or perverted?
You might have a very good reason for answering “yes” to any or all of those questions. Writing isn’t meant to be a torment.
But it’s worth asking: Are you listening to yourself or someone else? Did you follow your heart or did you follow your programming?
And what would happen if you follow the other path?
What’s the boldest creative endeavor you might pursue?
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